Mutual Respect 

So I didn't know what self-respect was so do you think I knew what Mutual-Respect was. So I looked what Google thought it was. Here goes.....

DEFINITION Mutual respect means treating other people with dignity and recognizing their value. It's a feeling of deep admiration for other people and their unique qualities. Being tolerant or behaving with tolerance means to accept other people's differences. Remember it is a two way street and they should be giving you respect as well. Go figure I thought that was just life was. I never put a word to the feeling. I saw this between my family members and especially how my parents treated each other. 

To have mutual respect you need to:

1) Actively listen to your partner - open communication is important. To be able to express your needs & concerns clearly. Listen to their perspective without judging. If you cannot talk to your partner about everything without fear, judgement or embarrassment then that is an issue. That is one of the biggest issues with my husband it was easier not to say anything then to experience the wrath of his verbal abuse. He would always take it one step further and call me names, never truly listen just scream. We could never work out a problem with each other. So I would just not tell him things and handle the issues without him. That isn't how true partnership works. Believe me. I am in a great relationship now were I can tell him, he listens and we make decisions together. No screaming, no name calling and no telling me it's his way or no way. If you don't have this in all your relationships you need to dump them. It will make your life so much easier, I guarantee it!!

2) Value their feelings & opinions - respect boundaries, value their opinions and don't cross boundaries. Allow your partner to feel that their feelings & opinions are valued and desired. It makes for a better and stronger partnership. Your partner will communicate more effectively to you. I can tell you from having both kinds of partnerships and this is the kind you want and deserve. Don't settle!

3) Communicate openly & honestly - One of the best things I love about my partner is that because my feelings feel safe with him I am able to be so much more open with him. With anything from money to sex and everything in between. We are partners in every sense of the game. We are stronger together! It gives me such a warm heart and I have never had it before. Because I can communicate so well with him, I don't hold back anything!

4) Respect boundaries - This is very important in a relationship. To not overstep certain things like trust. You need to trust them completely otherwise you won't succeed over time. If they cause you to not have trust, you need to really look at the reason why. You must discuss it with them it is the most important thing in a relationship.

5) Be supportive of their goals - They need to know you have their backs no matter what! With my partner I have more confidence to do things because he always believes in me! 

6) Do not belittle - do not be disrespectful, acknowledge their positive qualities. Do not call each other names and be fair. Do not disagree with them in front of people especially if you have children together. They need to see a united front. People will see that as a weakness in the ranks! Disagree behind closed doors. 

7) Be kind & considerate - let them do self-reflection. Give them the space to do so.

Signs of mutual respect in a relationship

1) Feeling comfortable - with each other it is very important

2) Trusting your partner to be honest and reliable MOST IMPORTANT

3) Feeling supported and encourage

4) Compromise - very important to be willing to give and take with each other.

5) Making each other feel valued & appreciated - 

When to end it?

When you are feeling disrespected and you have made your concerns known and nothing changes, there comes a point where you have to put yourself first and end the relationship. 

These are the things you need to look at to see if the time is right to end it.

1) Frequent occurrence of disrespect, belittlement or verbal\physical abuse especially in front of others. Especially if they put someone else first above you. Except God he is first. Also, if you have children they sometimes have to come first. 

2) Prioritize your emotional well-being.

3) Emotional disregard - ignoring your feelings, showing little empathy. They do not take your feelings seriously.

4) Public humiliation - embarrassing you in front of others. My husband didn't care who was around he had no issues calling me "A Cunt". In hindsight, I should have ran him over with my car, and pleaded insanity. I would haven ben out of jail before his body was cold. Then I wouldn't have had to pack. LOL 

5) Lack of respect for boundaries - ignoring your "NO" when you express discomfort, invading your personal space.

When these items of happening and you have expressed your unhappiness and nothing changes you need to end the relationship for your own mental health.

In the end leaving my husband was the best decision of my life. Scary as crap to be alone, relying on one paycheck, if the car breaks how do I handle it, etc. However, in the end I am proud of it! God has provided even when some months I had $65 in the bank. 

Now I have the best relationship! He is kind, respectful, loves my brain and accept me for me. If he didn't I would have dumped him by now. LOL Oh yeah, did I mention tall, sexy as hell and loves to cook. 

Exercise To Do - Mutual Respect 

1) Everyday - Start each day with a heartfelt compliment or positive affirmation towards each other. Gratitude Jar (Instructions in additional materials tab) : Collect notes of appreciation and kindness throughout the week. 

2) Week One - "I Feel" Statements -
During this first week both you and your partner write down five Express emotions using "I feel" statements to avoid blame and promote understanding.  At the end of the week over a candlelight dinner, read each of your I feel statements.

3) Week Two - Each of you start a Gratitude Journaling (Instructions in the Additional Materials Tab) Write down things you appreciate about your partner and your relationship. Do this each day for the whole month. At that end of the month, exchange journals and read each others thoughts and gratitude.  

4) Week Three - Pick one night for date night and spend 15 minutes recalling happy moments you have shared together.

5) Week Four  - Set up Boundaries & Respect define personal boundaries & respect each other's limits. Talk about your dreams and aspirations set up a plan.

Ground Rules

1) Avoid sarcasm and put-downs: Speak kindly to and about each other. 

2) Practice self-respect: Respecting yourself is essential for being able to respect your partner. 

3) Compromise and Cooperate: Be willing to compromise and find common ground. 

4) Respect Each Other's Space: Give each other the space they need to be themselves. 

"Respect is a two-way street, if you want to get it, you've got to give it".