How to keep your Sanity!

Prevention: self-care

If we take better care of ourselves, we can avoid many of the problems associated with our stressful lives. Over the years:

1. Maintain a sense of optimism. All of us possess at least a kernel of optimism, and we can take steps to cultivate it. One way to strengthen your optimism is to find optimistic role models. Think of Ronald Reagan. As president, he was nearly always cheerful, smiling, upbeat — and successful.

2. Work on your friendships. People in general need to spend time focusing on how to make other people feel at ease, how to be active listeners and how to be interesting. In our busy lives, we tend to neglect the friends we've had for many years. But great friendships are like great wines; the older they are, the better they get. The friendships we do develop require nurturing by forgiveness and by reaching out.

3. Focus on two special individuals in your life. Most women in America have a close female friend and a male friend, their husband or significant other. Men need bonds like these, as well. Special people in our lives aren't just friends; they're intimates. These individuals know our shadow. With them, we can let down our guard and show the less desirable sides of ourselves. These people, too, require special care and nurturing.

4. Plan for retirement. Most people seem to think they will be working forever.  We need to think concretely about how we will spend our leisure years, and we need to take some leisure time before we retire. It's commonly accepted in psychiatric circles that school teachers are the most successful retirees because they have practiced retiring for several months every summer. Some people especially men,  have very little experience with vacations, and tend to make rotten retirees.

5. Take care of the old equipment. We need to look after our health. This means don't smoke, don't drink alcoholic beverages to excess, keep your weight within 20 percent of the values on the actuarial tables, exercise regularly, get seven hours of sleep a night, brush your teeth daily and eat three meals a day, including breakfast. Sure, you know it. Do you do it?

6. Keep a sense of humor. A sense of humor is one of the most important elements of a healthy life. There's no question that people who lack a sense of humor have great difficulty coping with the vicissitudes of everyday living. Try to keep your stressors in perspective.

7. Do something you like. We are often trapped in what Richard H. Rahe has referred to as “joyless striving.” Joyless striving is one of the most stressful circumstances in which we can find ourselves. We need to realize that we, too, can transfer our life's goals and wishes into other channels. If your job isn't as fulfilling as it once was or doesn't meet the needs you expected it would, don't be afraid to explore the rest of the professional (and nonprofessional) world.

8. Be comfortable with assertiveness. This means not losing your temper but also standing up for your rights. It's a delicate balance but one we all must strike.

9. Believe you can change. People frequently say to me, “I am too old to change” or “I'm too set in my ways to do anything about it.” This negative attitude belies the truth: Everyone can change at any age.

10. Get help if you need it. People are very reluctant to take medical advice. We frequently get curbstone consultations; we don't take the advice we're given; and we sign out against medical advice five times more frequently than other patients. You need to realize we are vulnerable just like other citizens and may need the help of counseling at times.